Who’s Hot & Who’s Not

While we know more after Week 2 than we did after Week 1, there are still more questions than answers around the NFL right now—a lot more.

Whether big performances or disastrous debacles in Week 2 are symptoms of something bigger or a blip on the radar for those teams is not our concern here, as we take a look who’s reaching boiling temperatures across the league, and who’s coming dangerously close to freezing temperatures in our NFL Week 2 Thermometer.

Who’s Hot Across the NFL Coming Out of Week 2

Many across the league are hitting temperatures not seen outside of Death Valley

Ka’imi Fairbairn & the Kicker Revolution

200 Fahrenheit: Nearing boiling point

Reports on the downfall of the NFL kicker have been greatly exaggerated. While NFL Fantasy Football commissioners across the nation attempt to remove kickers from their leagues, the NFL’s resident boots have been putting on an absolute show through the first two weeks as they do their best American Sniper impressions:

• Texans kicker Ka’imi Fairbairn set an NFL record with six 50+ yard field goals in a two-week span.
• NFL kickers made 21 50+ yarders in Week 1, the most of any single week on record.
• NFL kickers made 73 field goals in Week 2, the most ever for a single week in NFL history.
• Kickers have hit 35 of 39 50+ yard field goals for a success rate of 89.7, the highest ever through the first two weeks of a season.
• Fairbairn and Steelers kicker Chris Boswell both nailed a trio of 50+ yarders in Week 1, the first time multiple kickers have done that in NFL history.
• For the first time ever, there have been more field goals (141) than TDs (136) through a season’s first two weeks.
• 17 kickers have already made 5+ field goals through the first two weeks of this season

If these kickers don’t slow down, they’re going to reach the boiling point at 212 fahrenheit before the month of September is over; it’s truly never been a better time to be a kicker… unless you’re Cade York, who missed a pair of field goals in Week 1 and was shown the door the next day.

White Boy Dance Moves

120 Fahrenheit: Somebody get Baker Mayfield & Derek Carr a fan

White Men Can’t Jump, but more often than not, white boys can’t dance either. A couple of QBs off to scorching hot starts proved an exception to that rule in Week 2, though.

First, there was Derek Carr, who has started so well this season that he’s already broken records while also shoving himself into way-too-early MVP conversations. While his stat line in a Week 2 blowout win over the Dallas Cowboys was impressive, it was his Michael Jackson-inspired dance moves after running one in with his legs that really got the crowd moving in the Big Easy.

For a guy who’s not known for his flair, Carr kind of nailed the leg kick and crotch-thrust combo, but he reminded the media after the game that he’s been busting moves for years:

I was a dancer in my day. Don’t let the four kids fool you. I had to lure their mom in somehow.

Baker Mayfield, on the other hand, has a history of showing off slick and swaggy dance moves, as he did when he hit the Dougie for his teammates back in college, a clip that went super-viral. This time, he wasn’t quite dancing, but the juke he laid on an opposing linebacker showed as much style as any dance move:

Mayfield can do no wrong right now, as he’s turned into Barry Sanders in the open field and Tom Brady in the pocket through Tampa Bay’s 2-0 start to the year.

Sam Darnold Revenge Tour

100 Fahrenheit: Darnold deniers are starting to sweat

I’ve been a Sam Darnold truther since J.J. McCarthy went down, so you could say I’m in the infancy when it comes to my Darnold agenda—but I’m seeing the fruits of my labor much earlier than anticipated. Darnold was spotless in a Week 1 win, but that was against the New York Giants, so we kept the celebrations tame.

However, he came out against his old team, the San Francisco 49ers, and did it again in Week 2, this time finishing off the NFC champs (who have a top defensive unit), and doing so partially without the services of Justin Jefferson, who exited the game after three quarters.

Putting up a 109 passer rating with a pair of TDs while taking three sacks against the 49ers is nothing to scoff at. Instead of scoffing, we should be embracing the space heater Darnold has become:

• Top 10 in passing yards
• Top 10 in completion percentage
• Top 3 in passing TDs and TD rate
• Top 3 in yards per attempt
• Top 5 in passer rating

He may be playing in frigid Minnesota, but Darnold has been bringing hot tub-type heat to the Twin Cities so far this season. And that absolute moon shot he completed to Jefferson for a 97-yard TD is one of the best throws we’ve seen in recent memory, Anthony Richardson notwithstanding.

That Sweet Desert Heat

95 Fahrenheit: A pleasant day in Phoenix

After a couple of years in the doldrums of the NFC thanks to injuries to their franchise QB, Kyler Murray, the Arizona Cardinals are back and better than ever. While it’s unlikely many were tuning into the show being put on in the desert, there’s no excuse now: this might be the most exciting offense in football.

A QB straight out of a video game, a big and fast tight end, the best WR prospect in a generation, a couple of super speedy gadget guys, and a plodding running back to fill in the cracks. Put it all together, and what do you have? An offense as hot as a summer day in Phoenix.

If you’re looking for heat as we start to see the fall chills come around in the North, you can’t go wrong right now with Murray and Co.—and let’s not forget that sweet desert heat.

Harbaugh the Younger

90 Fahrenheit: It’s getting sticky hot in L.A.

Did you know Jim Harbaugh is the younger Harbaugh? It took me way too long to figure that out. But either way, young—as it often is—is better right now when it comes to Harbaughs. After an ignominious end to his last NFL stint, Harbaugh the Younger is back 10 years later, and he’s doing what he always does.

When Harbaugh arrived at University of San Diego, at Stanford, with the 49ers, and even in Ann Arbor, he was arriving in a mess, just as he was in L.A. this time around. At every stop of his head coaching career, he has engineered instant turnarounds, and after the Chargers went 5-12 last year, their 2-0 start suggests he’s about to do the damn thing again.

Harbaugh is a QB whisperer as a former NFL signal caller himself, but the tenets of a Harbaugh team are always the same: run the ball, and play stingy defense. Through two weeks, the Harbaugh formula has been perfect, turning the Chargers side of L.A. into a beautiful, sticky hot mess as Harbaugh’s boys are currently ranked second in both rushing offense and total defense through two weeks.

Who’s Cold Across the NFL Coming Out of Week 2

Some of these players and teams should start looking for a parka

Will Levis Bringing Joy To Everyone But the Titans

33 Fahrenheit: Nashville will freeze if the Titans aren’t careful

Will Levis has started the season in 2024 like few others have.

First, in Week 1, he basically threw away a game that his defense had won for him by trying to play hero ball and failing about as miserably as you could possibly imagine, a notion that was supported by his hilarious reaction to his mistake.

Then, in Week 2, on one of the rare Levis drives that entered the red zone, he lost his mind for the second straight Sunday, trying to toss a backwards pass as he was falling down in the pocket, but instead rolling it, which caused the egg-shaped ball to bounce around and end up in the hands of a defender.

If you wanna talk about getting frozen out, just consider what Levis is dealing with from his head coach, Brian Callahan.

After that, during his postgame remarks, an exasperated Callahan said “yeah, I was upset, it was dumb, it was the exact same thing last week.” The coach sounded like a father who’s had to put his crazy seven-year-old son on timeout for the second straight week for acting out at church. If that isn’t about as close to freezing levels as an NFL player can get, I don’t know what is.

The Big No. 1 Pick Chill

40 Fahrenheit: No. 1 picks are in the ice cells right now

The last two No. 1 picks came into drastically different situations. Bryce Young came to a team that was terrible and deserved the No. 1 pick (though they had to trade the farm to Chicago to move up from the No. 9 pick), while Caleb Williams benefited from said trade to land with a team set up for success right now.

However, it sounds like we need to just chill a bit on that notion about the Bears offense, because Williams, with a supposedly much better offensive setup around him, hasn’t looked much more impressive than Young, who was benched yesterday. The Bears may have got a win in Week 1, but they did not get that win because of Williams, who was historically awful in his debut.

The last two No. 1 overall picks might be the two worst starting QBs in the NFL through Week 2—well, they were, until Young was relegated.

So, yeah, it doesn’t get much frostier at the QB position than these two Heisman Trophy winners right. They are as cold as a Coors Light fresh out of the freezer (that’s Rocky Mountain cold), and with Young benched and Williams not showing signs of improvement, they could be nearing the freezing point yet.

Rams Need A Real Doctor

47 Fahrenheit: L.A.’s training staff could send this team into another ice age

Look, we don’t want to place blame regarding injuries, but it’s getting a little bit ridiculous for Sean McVay’s team right now. It seems like there are more starters in the training room and sitting in ice baths than available to play for the Los Angeles Rams heading into Week 3 and beyond.

It’s a miracle that 36-year-old Matthew Stafford of the 27 back surgeries is one of the last men standing, but he’s holding down the fort—for now. Just take a gander at this:

While some have been freak injuries, like Cooper Kupp’s, many are soft tissue pulls or sprains.

McVay is known as an X’s and O’s wizard, but it might be time for him to focus more on his medical staff and his conditioning and training methods, because, no offense to him and his crew, but this many serious injuries coming out of the offseason simply cannot be a coincidence.

If this keeps up, the Rams side of L.A. is going to freeze over and Stafford’s going to be throwing to the next Vince Papale from behind a line that consists of meatheads and bouncers straight off the street. It does sounds like fun, unless you’re Sean McVay, whose mind would probably short-circuit in that scenario.

Green Bay Gastronomy

50 Fahrenheit: Packers C Josh Myers must’ve had some bad Wisconsin cheese on Sunday morn

The great state of Wisconsin is known for its smelly and delicious cheese. Maybe Green Bay Packers center Josh Myers simply had some cheese that was a little too far on the smelly side on Sunday morning, because he was quite literally leaving it all out on the field in Week 2.

He looked like he might head to the sidelines and burst into some cold sweats after puking on the ball right before he snapped it not once, but twice in a row.

In all seriousness, we’re sure the tasty food in Wisconsin had nothing to do with Myers dropping the bomb on the ball on two straight plays. Offensive linemen work harder than most and carry more weight than most, so we’re surprised this type of thing doesn’t happen more often if we’re being honest.

Shout out to big man cardio! … Except in this case, where it doesn’t get much colder than puking on the ball and still hutting it to your new starting QB.

Justin Tucker Has Abdicated the Throne

55 Fahrenheit: There’s a new sheriff in town for NFL kickers

“Ice, Ice Baby”, “Cold As Ice”, “The Thin Ice”, whatever song you wanna use, as long as the word “ice” is in there, it could be the soundtrack to Justin Tucker‘s recent performance. Remember all that stuff we said about this being the Year of the Kicker and how, as a group, they’re breaking all these records?

For example, remember how we said that NFL kickers have missed just four field goals of 50+ yards so far this year? Well, two of those misses came courtesy of the coldest kicker in football (other than Cade York) who just so happens to be the greatest kicker ever to play football too.

In eight of Tucker’s first 10 years in the NFL, he hit 89+ percent of his field goals. In 2022 and 2023, he dropped to 86 percent, but now, when every other kicker is setting the world on fire, Tucker is slipping on the thin ice beneath him: he’s only 5-for-7, and his 71.4 success rate is the second-worst by an employed kicker. Looks like there’s a new sheriff in kicking town, and it seems his name is “Anyone But Tucker”.

Harbaugh the Elder

60 Fahrenheit: They’re shivering on the ports of Baltimore

How must big brother feel while little brother strolls into Tinseltown and starts off 2-0 while his own team—supposedly a Super Bowl contender—can’t get off the schneid? Not great, probably.

Baltimore is as talented as any team in football, but they have a tendency to allow teams to hang around, which has led to many a heartbreaking loss for John Harbaugh and his boys over the years. After that unconscionable debacle against Las Vegas last week, the Ravens have now lost an NFL-high 10 games since 2021 after having a 7+ point lead in the fourth quarter.

Baltimore simply cannot go 0-3, because if they do, they’re basically guaranteed to miss the playoffs (only one team since 2000 has made the playoffs after an 0-3 start), and those cold winds are going to reach Baltimore early this year. For now, there’s no need to worry too much, they’re still dealing with brisk and pleasant 60-degree weather, but any colder, and there will be trouble in Charm City.

All statistics courtesy of Pro Football Reference unless stated otherwise.